一、避免使用语意弱的“be”动词。
1.把句中的表语转换为不同的修饰语。例如:
weak: the trees are bare. the grass is brown. the landscape seems drab.
revision:the brown grass and bare trees form a drab landscape. (转换为前置定语)
or: the landscape, bare and brown, begged for spring green. (转换为并列结构作后置定语)
2.将作表语用的形容词或名词变为行为动词。例如:
1) weak: the team members are good players.
revision: the team members play well.
2) weak: one worker’s plan is the elimination of tardiness.
revision: one worker’s plan eliminates tardiness.
3.在以“here”或“there”开头的句子中,把“be”动词后的名词代词变成改写句的主语。例如:
1) weak: there is no opportunity for promotion.
revision: no opportunity for promotion exists.
2) weak: here are the books you ordered.
revision: the books you ordered have arrived.
二、多用语意具体的动词,保持句意简洁明了。例如:
1. poor: my supervisor went past my desk.
better: my supervisor sauntered (=walked slowly) past my desk.
2. poor: she is a careful shopper.
better: she compares prices and quality.
三、尽量运用主动语态。例如:
1. weak: the organization has been supported by charity.
better: charity has supported the organization.
2. weak: the biscuits were stacked on a plate.
better: mother stacked the biscuits on a plate.
四、防止使用语意冗长累赘的词语。例如:
1. wordy: my little sister has a preference for chocolate milk.
improved: my little sister prefers chocolate milk.
2. wordy: we are in receipt of your letter and intend to follow your recommendations.
improved: we have received your letter and intended to follow your recommendation.
3. redundant: we had a serious crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.
improved: we had a crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire.
4. redundant: my sister and i bought the same, identical dress in different stores.
improved: my sister and i bought the same dress in different stores.
五、杜绝滥用陈旧词语或难懂的专业术语。例如:
1. weak: they will not agree to his proposals in any shape or form.
improved: they will not agree to any of his proposals.
2. weak: i need her financial input before i can guesstimate our expenditures next fall.
improved: i need her financial figures before i can estimate our expenditures next fall.
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