好的写作,首先而且至关重要的一点就是简洁。繁冗的写作堆砌了许多无用的词藻,反而减弱表述的清晰度。当然,也不能仅仅因为简短就认为短句一定优于长句。只要一个单词确实能起到一定的作用,它就应该留在句中。一般来说,只有在进行强调或修饰、美化句子时,才能使用重复的单词、语音和短语。修改文章,就是要删繁就简。比较下面这对句子,注意体会二者的差别及效果。
1) Dr. Sun Yat-sen went to Japan bymeans of a big boat.
2) Dr. Sun Yat-sen went to Japan by boat.
斜体字部分较啰嗦,因为"by"就是"by means ofboat"。
Wordy: It makes me feel painful to think thatshe has to work 12 hours a day and seven days a week.
Better: It pains me to think that she has to work 12hours a day and seven days a week.
Wordy: It will be our aim to ensure properhealth care for each and every one of the Chinese people.
Better: Our aim is to ensure proper health care for allChinese.
Wordy: This book will help you master the basicelements of good writing.
Better: This book will help you master the basicsof good writing.
Wordy: The search of the forest that theyconducted was entirely complete.
Better: The search of the forest was complete.
或They conducted a complete search ofthe forest.
第二个句子合乎汉语表达习惯,即他们对森林进行了彻底的搜查。
Wordy: He has no sense of principles, whether he isin public or in private.
Better: He has no principles, public or private.
Wordy: Whenever anyone telephoned her to ask her forhelp with their homework she always obliged right away.
Better: She immediately obliged anyone whotelephoned for help with homework.
Wordy: In a cautious manner the car went around thecorner.
Better: The car negotiated the corner.
Wordy: If the government agency finds that anindividual has received a payment to which the individual was not entitled,whether or not the payment was due to the individual's fault ormisrepresentation, the individual shall be liable to repay to the governmentthe total sum of the payment to which the individual was not entitled.
Better: If the government agency finds that youreceived a payment that you weren't entitled to, you must pay the entire sumback.
Wordy: Another important aspect is good health. Itis one of our great blessings. It may be achieved through proper diet andexercise. Rest is also desirable.
Better: The great blessing of good health may be hadthrough proper diet, exercise, and rest.
策略之一:用介词短语替代从句。例:
Wordy: While they were playing tennis, she started anargument that lasted all morning.
Better: During tennis she started an argument thatlasted all morning.
Wordy: When you come to the second traffic light,turn right.
Better: At the second traffic light turn left.
策略之二:删除诸如"who is”或"thatis"之类的关系代词,变从句为短语。例:
Wordy: The novel, which is written in three parts,told a story that took place in the Middle Ages.
Better: The three-part novel told a story set in theMiddle Ages.
注:把句中的”threeparts”改用形容词来表达,节省了四个不必要的单词”which is written in”。我们经常可以将关系代词如”that”去掉,这只会引起最少的变动。
策略之三:剔除你不需要的单词
"Twojoint partners will present their views over a long-distance telephone call."
写完这样的句子后,你自己再读一遍,挑出单词”joint”和”telephone”,注意删去不必要的词。
策略之四:表达否定意义时,尽量避免使用否定词。英语中很多词不用"no's" 或者"not's"也能表达否定含义的词汇,你尽可以采取更为委婉的表达方式。例:
Thus collegestudents who do not have sufficient financial backing ,
也就是 collegestudents who lacks sufficient financial backing。
如果你不想使用太多的否定词,就应该尽量避免使用它们。
Wordy (赘语)
Improved (替换语)
as a usual rule
as a rule
due to the fact that
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