英语写作中的赘述与简洁

英语写作中的赘述与简洁

一、英语赘述现象的分类及修改办法

1.双重that从句

例如:(1) He said that the customer said that the order was canceled.(Charles 1987: 570)

全句读起来索然无味，可考虑去掉第二个that，然后适当调整词序: He said that the customer canceled the order.

2.兜圈子

例如:(2) The reason why I was so upset was because she seemed so angry with me.(Will son 1984: 476)

由于the reason why．．．because的结构与汉语思维较接近，因此被学生使用的频率较高。但将该结构用于英语表述时却显得不够精炼。可删繁就简成: I was upset because she seemed so angry with me.

3.不经意的同词重复

例如:(3) I have been asked to write on a controversial subject that has been the subject of controversy among historians for years. That subject，as you have probably guessed，is none other than how to account for the rise of Hitler's Germany. The rise of Hitler's Germany has fascinated me for a longer time than I can remember. (Will son 1984: 474)

(4) Not long after we had started out，it started to rain; and when it started to thunder，one of the girls started to cry.(Brown 1965: 148)

在(3)句中，subject，the rise of Hitler's Germany等单词或短语重复出现，但既没有任何强调功能，也没有形成任何语义关联。只给读者留下了思想混乱、罗嗦絮叨的印象。修改后的句子变得简明扼要: I will try to account for the rise of Hitler's Germany，a controversial subject that has fascinated me for some time.在(4)句中，动词start重复使用，给人以平淡无味的感觉。可考虑使用同义词来替换该词: Not long after we had set off，it began to rain; and when it started to thunder，one of the girls burst into tears.

4.语义重复

例如:(5) Perhaps may be the chief cause of or reason for obesity in people who are overweight is lack of exercise.(Hodges 1986: 264)

看得出，句中有多处本已表达清楚的内容，却又被换词重复说了一遍的地方。重复的部分是多余的，应当删除。修改后的句子则言简意赅: Perhaps the chief cause of obesity is lack of exercise.

5.专有名词不宜重复

例如:(6) China's famous liquor，Maotai，became well known in the world Expo in 1915 in Panama and won the gold prize in the world Expo.

若把句中重复的the World Expo改成the event作为替代，则更显得自然顺势。

一次，笔者在批改学生作文时遇到了下面一句话: Our team and your team are excellent teams.这句话存在的问题属于不经意的同词重复。删除其中的两个team，再进行一些小的改动，便能使该句话从冗杂走向洗练: Both our team and yours are excellent.

至于什么时候将同一个词反复使用，什么时候应避免赘述，只有经过不断地实践和对比才会领悟得透彻。我们可以比较以下两个例句:

Any right that is available to any single man should be available to any woman any where in the world at any time.

When I got home，I fed the cats，then I fed the rabbits and guinea pigs，then I fed the fish，and finally I fed the dog.(Kirkland 1989: 71)

前一句是克林顿夫人为其丈夫竞选总统时讲的话。句中any一词的多次反复把其主张强调到了级至。她这样做就是为了取悦于美国妇女，从而帮助克林顿在竞选中获得更多的选票。后一句则出现了不经意的同词重复，给人留下的印象是，房屋的主人回家后无精打采，饲养宠物的过程不但没有给他带来任何乐趣，反而成了他的负担。

但应该指出的是，当句子指代不清时，还是有必要重复关键词语的。请看例句:

The inadequate quality-control procedure has resulted in an equipment failure. This is our most serious problem at present.(由于质量监控程序不严而导致了设备失灵。这是我们目前的主要问题。)

读完这句话，我们不禁要问:Which is our most serious problem at present: the inadequate quality-control procedure or the equipment failure?如果问题出在前者，应改为: The inadequate quality-control procedure has resulted in an equipment failure. Quality-control is our most serious problem at present.如果问题出在后者，则应改为: The inadequate quality-control procedure has resulted in an equipment failure. The equipment failure is our most serious problem at present.

二、学以致用

我国大学英语四、六级考试作文的出题思路之一是这样的:一些人对某一问题的看法是什么;而另外一些人对该问题的看法是什么;你是怎样认为的。下面让我们看一个实例。1999年6月四、六级考试写作部分的考题是Reading Selectively or Extensively?三个段首句的中文提示分别为:

1.有人认为读书要有选择

2.有人认为应当博览群书

3.我的看法

部分学生们在拿到类似的考题时往往这样写:

Some people think．．．．

Some other people think．．．．

I think．．．．

think一词的多次使用既无强调作用，也不是解决指代含混的问题。因此，有必要对其进行一些修改:

Selective reading is quite popular with some people.

However，some others prefer extensive reading.

As for me，whether to read selectively or extensively depends on a number of factors.或: Listed below are the reasons why I'm more likely to read extensively.或: To read selectively is my only choice for the following reasons.

经修改，除了原来的“主+谓+宾”结构的句型外，还出现了诸如“主+ 系+表”结构的句子、倒装句和以动词不定式短语作主语开头的句子;同时，为了在表达think这一概念时避免同词重复，句中使用了与该词近义的prefer以及as for me和I'm more likely to短语等。

三、结语

了解了英语中的赘述现象及其修改办法，有助我国大学生在英语写作实践中出写出简洁、洗练的习作来。这对于他们未来的求职、从事科研工作或与英语为母语者进行书面交流都是大有裨益的。

参考文献

［1］Charles T. B，Gerald J. A，Walter E. O. Handbook of Technical Writing(3^rd Edition)［M］．St. Martin's Press，Inc. New York. 1987.

［2］Willson，R. F.，Kierzek，M. K.，and Gibson，W. W. The Macmillan Handbook of English (Canadian Edition)［M］．Collier Macmillan Canada，Inc. 1984.

［3］Brown，D. M. A Handbook of Composition.［M］Cleark，Irwin＆Company Limited. 1965.

［4］Hodges，J. C.，＆ Whit ten，M. C. Harbrace College Handbook For Canadian Writers(Second Edition)［M］．John Deyell Company. 1986.

［5］Kirkland，J. W.，Dilworth. Jr.，C. B.，＆Bizzaro，P. Writing with Confidence-A Modern College Rhetoric(Instructor's Edition)．［M］D.C. Health and Company. 1989.