英语中的拒绝

一、英语中的拒绝

“我”这个主题，一直是中西方心理学、哲学、文化学探讨的核心内容，中国人的自我观同西方的自我观有着明显的不同。西方的自我就是“个人”，自由的、独立的、自主的，中国的自我是无我的，是社会的、集体的、客观的，隐含包容、豁达的内涵。正因为中西方的自我观不同，所以，在拒绝策略选择上更倾向于选择客观的理由，而不是表达主观的看法。在与外国学生交际的时候，遇到过这样的一个情况，老师: 阿尔乔姆，你给我们唱一首歌，怎么样?阿尔乔姆: 老师，我不能给你唱，上一次，我们表演的时候，你没有来，没有听到我们唱歌，是你错过了，我不能给你唱。在这个例子中，老师是在向学生发出请求言语行为，学生使用理由语，用策略来表达拒绝，我们可以看出，学生表达了自己的主观看法，并把错误归结到老师的身上。这是与外国学生的交际，但如果这是中国人间的交际，就是不合理的。在中国文化中，合理的是表达客观理由，比如说: 否定自己的能力——“我唱的不好听”;阐述客观情况——“今天我的嗓子坏了”;或者可能提供不真实的信息——“我不会唱歌”等等。

下面我们通过英汉对比，看一下英语中的拒绝。首先，总的来说，汉语中的直接拒绝要比英语来得更含糊，不清晰明朗，英语要更直接:

A(英) 1: “It’s time to rest(reason).No work(principle)，okay(adjunct)?”

A2: “I’m sorry(regret)，I can’t(direct). I’m fully occupied this week(excuse).”

A3: “I don’t like the taste of that new diet(principle).”

相比较而言，汉语中很少使用“不”来直接拒绝:

C(中) 1: “I am sorry，Sir(regret). I happen to have some family emergency that I have to deal with it(explanation).Or I will definitely do it(condition for acceptance)!”(老板，实在不好意思，我现在家里有些紧急事情要处理。要不然我一定加班。)

C2: “I will go if I am not occupied this evening(avoidance).Anyway，thanks so much for inviting me(adjunct).”(要是今天晚上有空的话我就去，不过很感谢你邀请我)

C3: “Well，the taste is very good(adjunct).However，I can’t have a bit more indeed(direct).Maybe later on(avoidance).Thank you(adjunct).”(嗯，味道确实不错，不过我现在真的不能再吃了。待会吧!)

汉语中常常使用模糊词语“may(或许)”，“could”(可能)和“I am afraid”(恐怕)等等来淡化直接拒绝的强烈效果:

C4: “I’m afraid not(direct). It has been lent to classmate A(excuse).Maybe you should wait for some time(avoidance).”(恐怕不行，已经被A借走了。或许你要等一段时间)。

C5: “First of all，thank you indeed for inviting me(adjunct).But these days I have been really very busy(reason). If you don’t mind，maybe we could eat together next time(set condition for the future acceptance.”(首先，非常感谢您邀请我，但是实在不好意思，我最近太忙了。要是你不介意的话咱们或许下次可以一起去啊)。

C6: “I’m afraid not(direct)，I have happen to made appointment with my wife and son that I will do accompany them to visit the Pleasure Ground at that time(reason).As we know，we，as fathers，break our words in front of children or they won’t obey us anymore(principle).”(恐怕不行，凑巧我答应我老婆和儿子在那天陪他们去逛游乐园。你也知道我们这些当父亲的不能在孩子面前失信，要不然他们可就不再听话了。)

在多数情况下，拒绝者总是极力找出客观理由说明并非主观上刻意拒绝。

其次，汉语里通常用使用亲密的称呼来缓和拒绝后的强烈感觉如: “uncle”(叔叔)，“aunt”(阿姨)，“grandfather”(爷爷)，“grandma”(奶奶)，“leader”(领导)，“buddy”(哥们)，但英语里很少这样表达。直呼其名的习惯使得西方人的拒绝显得更为直接。如“Mr.+ Family name”，“Mrs.+ Family name”or“Ms.+ Family name”，或者在某些情况下根本不使用称呼，如:

C7: “Junior Li，I know you are one of the best workers in our store and I think your pay should be raised(adjunct).But I suppose you don’t know the current situation of our firm well(dissuade interlocutor). Honestly speaking，our company is in the red(reason). I hope you could understand our difficulty.”(小李啊，我知道你是我们店里干的最好的人员之一。也确实应该给你加工资了。可是你也许不怎么知道，我们公司最近效益不太好，所以我希望你可以理解我们的难处。)

A4: “Yeah(adjunct)，you have worked here for quite a long time(adjunct)，but the pay one should get in our firm is dependent on each one’s performance instead of the time(excuse).”

C8: “Party(avoidance)? It sounds nice(adjunct).But I’m very sorry regret)，Manager Zhang，it happens to be the birthday of my mother－in－law(reason)，or I will definitely go(alternative).”(聚会?不错啊。不过实在很抱歉张总，不巧的是下周星期天是我岳母的生日，要不然我一定去。)

A5: “I’m sorry(regret).Sir，I have already planed that day(reason).”;

C9: “Classmates，the exam is coming soon(reason)，don’t you want to train pertinently(attempt to dissuade interlocutor)?”(同学们，马上就要考试了。难道你们不想有针对性的训练一下吗?)

A6: “That’s good(attempt to dissuade interlocutor)，I appreciate the suggestion and I am glad you are thinking about how to improve the class(adjunct)，but the objectors don’t allow the change(reason).”

汉语中的拒绝方式之所以与英语不同，是因为汉语通过这样的方式减少因拒绝而产生的距离，更方便以后的交往，而英语中就没所顾忌。

C10: “Thanks you. Manager Li. I would like to(adjunct)，but unfortunately I will have to visit my parents on this weekend since my father called me yesterday that my mother felt so bad recently that he was expected my going home and accompanying mother to see the doctor(reason).And then，I reserved the ticket in yesterday afternoon(reason).So，I am sorry(regret)，Manager Li. I can’t go and enjoy your party(direct).”(谢谢您，李总。其实我很想去，不过不巧的是昨天我父亲打电话说我母亲最近身体不太好，希望我抽时间陪她去检查一下。于是，昨天下午我把票都定了。所以很抱歉，李总，我去不了了。)

C11: “I’m sorry(regret)，I have lent my notes to XX(reason). Otherwise，please you ask XX(alternative).”(不好意思，我的已经被别人借走了，要不你问一下XX。)

C12: “I’m terrible sorry(regret)，maybe I couldn’t do it(direct)，because there are some emergencies expecting to treat with them(reason). I hope you can forgive me(adjunct).”(十分抱歉，今天恐怕不行了，我家里有点紧急事情等我回去处理。敬请谅解。)

C14: “Sir(greeting name)，I’m so sorry(statement of regret)，I’m afraid I can’t go(direct refusal)，because I feel bad today(reason). Well，how about my inviting you when I feel better(alternative)?”(老板，实在不好意思，我恐怕去不了，今天身体不舒服，浑身无力。要不等我好了我请你们怎么样?)

A7: “Sunday night( avoidance)? I’m afraid I can’t(direct refusal). I have already had an appointment this Sunday(reason). I’m sorry(statement of regret).”

C15: “Uhm，concerning your request(avoidance)，as a leader，I should，first of all，take the current situation of our company into consideration(principle).Of cause，you behave very well(adjunct).Well，I will give you response after our consultant(acceptance as a refusal)?”(对于你提出的这个问题么，作为领导我要综合考虑一下公司目前的现状。当然我们也知道你表现不错。这样吧，等我们商量之后再给你答复怎么样?)

A8: I’m sorry(regret)，our company is being in the difficult period(reason).How about late on(avoidance)?

C16: “I’m sorry(regret)，I need it to review the class too since there are many parts in my note that haven’t been touched by me(reason).You’d better ask others(alternative).”(不好意思，我还有好多内容没有看呢!所以我也要用它进行复习。你还是问一下其他人吧。)

A9: “I would love to let you use my notes(adjunct).But I’m sorry(regret)，I still need them so I can study(reason)”

C17: “I can’t eat more(direct). I’m stuffed(reason).”(不能吃了，吃得太饱了。)

A10: “No(direct). I have eaten too much already(reason).”

C18: “I’m sorry(regret)，there are many things expecting me to handle in our firm today(reason).How about another day(alternative)?”(不好意思，今天公司还有好多事情等我去处理呢!改天吧?)

A11: “your offer is very interesting(dissuade interlocutor)，I’d love to but I have already planed for today(reason).So，I’m sorry(regret)，Sir.”

C19: “You are right(adjunct)，Sir. But I’m too busy recently(reason).So，I will do it if I have some time(condition for Yes). thanks a lot.”(老板，您说的不错。不过我最近太忙了，要是有时间我会好好收拾的。谢谢。)

A12: “Sorry(regret)，Sir. I have been familiar with the position where I have put my stuff(reason).I can find them very well(reason).”